How to Defeat Unhealthy Fears
Fear is unhealthy when it’s debilitating. When it makes you extra cautious beyond what’s necessary to keep you safe and prevents you from doing things you would otherwise enjoy.
The unhealthy fear I’m talking about are fear of failure, rejection, embarrassment, criticism, and being judged. Because having these fears will hold us back from putting ourselves out there to be our unique self, share our voice, go to an event where we can build on relationships, ask the person we’re attracted to out on a date, audition for a role in a theatrical play or for a tv show, try out for a sports team, take a chance on advancing our career by applying for certain positions or starting our own company. Whatever it is that you want to do, but your fears are louder than your confidence or your will to give yourself a chance, therefore you’re holding yourself back by not going for what you want.
Of course, even when we take a chance despite our fears we may or may not have the best experience. We’re not always going to get what we want in life just because we finally decided to go for what we want. But just because there’s a chance things may not go well, that shouldn’t hold us back from living our life. Your fear of rejection may turn into you experiencing the pain of regret.
For years I allowed what others thought of me be the driving force in my decisions. Not in every part of my life, but sometimes I wouldn’t always share my voice because I was concerned people would judge me or I wouldn’t go places because I didn’t think I would fit in.
But there were times I did put myself out there and was rejected by guys. I wasn’t successful with certain ventures. I’ve been places and had no one to talk to, I’ve been criticized and judged for how I think. But I’m still here. I don’t want to experience failure, be rejected, embarrassed, criticized or judged, but I’ve experienced it all and I’m still here. So knowing that I can survive all of that, has built up my confidence to be louder than fears of worst case scenarios.
I have also learned through those experiences.
The guys that rejected me, had me realize they weren’t for me and allowed me to reflect on what kind of attributes I truly want in a man where both of our characteristics are healthy for each other.
The previous business failures taught me how to be more strategic and had me realize I don’t crumble in defeat. Due to enduring unfavorable scenarios, I learned how to make preventive plans and be creative with solutions when experiencing setbacks. These lessons are helping me to be successful with my company Luv Mrk.
I’m nervous every time before I do a presentation and even filming this, but the positive responses I receive from my workshops are motivators and any other feedback I use to help me grow and do better. Plus from the numerous times I have embarrassed myself throughout my life, I’m now less concerned if I make a fool of myself.
Overall, through everything, I remind myself I’m human. I’m going to make mistakes, I’m not always going to say or do the right thing, some people are going to love me, like me or want nothing to do me with me and that’s fine. I’m going to keep being me. Because I want to live my life, my way.
So, to not let fears hold you back, ask yourself this:
What are you afraid of?
Why are you afraid of it?
What will happen to you if you experience the very thing you fear?
How can you recuperate from that experience?
Do you need time?
What self-care routines can you do?
Will you need to talk to someone?
Then remind yourself this:
Acknowledge what you learn from experiencing the fears you want to avoid.
Notice what helps you to recover.
Realize how experiences built up your resilience, character, confidence.
Move forward with a mindset of knowing you may or may not experience failure, rejection, embarrassment, criticism, judgment, but either way you’re going to continue to choose to not let fear hold you back from a quality of life.
That’s it for this tip of the day. In the comments share what fears are holding you back or how you don’t let certain fears hold you back and what you experienced because of putting yourself out there.
See you next time for a quick tip on being aware of how we see ourselves and how that affects the choices we make.
If you or your loved ones are interested in counseling, therapy, support groups, or other resources for managing life challenges, please visit https://www.dissolvingtheanchor.com/wellness-resources